There is an idea that has been buzzing around for years now that we should all work together, and help to “Save the Planet” by recycling all of our discarded refuse. I don’t have a problem with people doing this. People should feel free to do whatever they want with their own garbage, but there are those people who have to make our lives unbearable.
They just have a need to be heard. They have a need to talk about it, and tell us what we should do with our trash. Some even have a need to spout off statistics about how many trees have to die for some newspaper to be printed. They seem to have no tolerance for those of us who have more pressing things to worry about.
You will never find a recycle bin in my front yard. Apparently the type of recycling that I do is not considered recycling by the recycling elitists. Here is the cycle:
1.
I
buy a can of soda
2. 
I
drink a can of soda.
3.
I
toss it out of my car.
4. 
One of
the dregs of our society who got assigned community service stabs
it with a stick, and puts it in a bag.
I feel that what I do prevents these DUI sons-of-bitches from sitting around on their asses with nothing to do all day, and these people have the audacity to call this littering.
The truth is; I don’t recycle because it is a BIG pain in my ass. I am ADHD. I do not trade on that fact, and I don’t consider it an excuse for me to neglect my responsibilities. I choose to neglect the things that I deem unnecessary.
Nevertheless, I do well to remember one place to throw my garbage. I have trouble organizing my own life and the things I use every day. I am damn sure not going worry about organizing my own trash that I am all finished with. That includes my compact fluorescent light bulbs (which I love). I just don’t give a shit.
There are those
who have a fear that every time you throw away a piece of plastic,
a unicorn dies, but if you recycle it then the planet becomes just
a little bit greener. I do not judge them. I just don’t want to
join them when they head out to attend the Earth Day celebration. I
am fine with their decision to trek across the country in their
electric car, holding hands, and singing “This land is your Land”.
All I ask is that they not tell me about it when they get
back.
Not everyone who recycles is an asshole, but one thing I have noticed is that the majority of people I know that recycle are doing so out of guilt.
This guilt is for leaving their children to grow up in a world that
has been stripped of certain
resources. They have guilt that the earth will be hopelessly
destroyed and/or poisoned. I believe their guilt is grossly
misplaced, and I do not feel the least bit obligated to do shit
about it.
Some of you may be carrying this guilt. I know the burden of that, for you, may be heavy. I want you to take that burden, and toss it out the window. Trust me! Someone else will pick it up. Your guilt is unwarranted. None of this is our fault. Our parents are to blame.
My parents and your parents did not give a shit about this planet. They didn’t recycle. They didn’t worry about any of us not having what we need to survive. They littered and burned as much fossil fuel as they damn well wanted to, and so did their parents. In all of the littering, tire fires, oil fires, chemical spills, and oil spills, I can’t with any real conviction say that I felt the sting of it this week. I am doing pretty well as far as I can tell.
Their negligence has lit a fire under our collective asses to create many wonderful products such as; LED light bulbs, solar panels, electric cars (which are complete bullshit), and so on. Let me say that a different way. If it were not for the reckless neglect of our parents treating the planet like their own personal garbage can, we would have been denied the benefit of some really great innovations that have made our world what it is. So what does this mean to us? I will tell you what it means in the words of my brother Phillip Nardone who I once heard say “The world is my ash tray”.
If you think about it every drop of oil you pour into the rainforests of the earth is paving the way for technology to flourish. Every CFL light bulb that you haphazardly toss into your garbage can or out of a window is helping in some small way to make this world better by enticing scientists to come up with awesome products. Your negligence may be what truly saves the planet. Here is a real life example:
Car tires,
which are a petroleum-based product, for years piled up and no one
knew what to do with them. They would catch fire and burn for
weeks. They would cast pollution into the air. We later discovered
that if they were to chop them up into small pieces, that they
would be a great mulch substitute for the yards and playgrounds of
America.
Every American who discarded their tires helped little kids have a place to play. Because of your negligence kids across this great country got exercise and learned valuable social skills that made them better people.
These “earth first” hippies would rather smack these kids off of a
swing set with the back of their hands, rather than participate in
what we have seen make this country a place to be proud
of.
You see, one generation screws us over, and then the next generation figures it out! That is the cycle of life. From tire fires to happy children we did that America. You should be proud!
Everything on earth came from the earth. Therefore everything on earth is natural. What some people call littering or pollution, I call relocating. We take natural resources from the earth and refine them, use them, and then we put them back into the earth when we are finished with them. That seems simple enough to me.
So the next
time you are in the grocery store and they say “Will that be paper
or plastic?” You proudly say “Plastic”. Say it with you head held
high knowing that you are the one who is truly helping this planet,
and not the tree hugging bastards that are only stunting its
growth, and hurting it’s children with their paper bags and their
so-called responsibility.
Recycle if it makes you feel better, but I feel great,